A rant about life

Warning: this is going to be a complete and utter rant, which might not even make sense. You have been informed

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Life is a funny thing. Right? There are times when it just completely baffles me and others when it's so beautiful it makes me want to cry.

Everyone has something they want, big or small we are all guilty of desiring things, frugal or not. So, why is it that the most amazing people sometimes don't get what they deserve and others who have done wrong to others or "just by luck" win the lottery of life. Is this by chance? is it fate? I wish I had the answer. There are things in my life that I want so bad it hurts. I don't talk about these things much and rarely ever out loud but they are always present in my mind, churning as I replay them over and over again, somehow wishing that maybe if I pray a little harder my wishes will come true. I'm not talking about frugal or petty things (although I may not complain if I overnight had beautiful legs where short stubs and chubby knees once where), I'm talking about experience, security, talent and joy.

Lately I have been taking such huge steps in the direction of becoming an adult that life scares me and growing up overnight hurts, but it's my reality and I have to go with it. So as easy as saying I need to get my ducks in a row, it's not and I wish there was a way to take a shortcut or ease the pain but I have not found the remedy yet or the location of said path. I just wish that for once, I would get lucky and win 500,000,000 or even 200,000 and my worries would vanish, even if it was just temporary.

Ducks, I beg you, I'm trying but please get and stay in a row for me. I'm trying to start the life I've always wanted to live but I need some cooperation.

For who ever reads this, I'm sorry, my life is not all that bad.. there is actually a lot of love and happiness there, it's just I'm overwhelmed and these are real issue that I'm just not sure how to conquer just yet.


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